Listen up City Slickers!!!

Hey!! It's Jessica! And this is The 411!! I just HAD to put this on our blog. I got it from our Aunt Noelle.

The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows:

Listen up City Slickers !

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in rural Michigan waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
12. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. (I bet most people where I grow up don't even know what Mary Jane is!! It's NOT shoes!!!)
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
16. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.